Positive Christmas Energy

by The Radish Friends

supported by
rainbowgnosis
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rainbowgnosis Positive Christmas Energy is exactly what it sounds like. You'll feel amazing after hearing this supergroup of superdudes and superladydudes kick out some amazing holiday jams. Favorite track: Alfie the Christmas Tree/It's In Every One of Us.
garywharris
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garywharris May the blessing of you be blessing enough. Yes I am blessed, thanks for being in my world. Favorite track: All I Want for Christmas Is You! ;^).
dyanashworth
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dyanashworth Music to my ears!!!! Favorite track: I Saw Three (Pirate) Ships.
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about

A collection of Christmas music, original songs, and songs that may or may not have anything to do with Christmas recorded by more than 40 people over the course of a month in an effort to spread some #positivechristmasenergy. :^)


Project Objectives:
1. To have as much fun with as many people as possible.
2. To generate as much positive Christmas energy as possible in a dark time for many people.
3. To reconsider and redefine our concepts of Christmas music.
4. To grapple with the very idea of Christmas through music, the only thing that makes any dang sense nowadays.
5. To draw attention to and provide grassroots funding for organizations of vital political, personal, and moral importance.

All proceeds and donations (and please pay what you can) will be redirected to and divided amongst Planned Parenthood, The Transgender Law Center, The American Civil Liberties Union, The Ruth Ellis Center, The Southern Poverty Law Center, and End Violent Encounters. If you would like to donate to these organizations directly, you can at the links below.

Merry Christmas, from the bottoms of all of our hearts. May we all survive, thrive, and act bravely and boldly in the interest of love.

-The Radish Friends xx

Planned Parenthood Action Fund: www.plannedparenthood.org
Transgender Law Center: transgenderlawcenter.org
American Civil Liberties Union: www.aclu.org
Ruth Ellis Center: www.ruthelliscenter.org
Southern Poverty Law Center: www.splcenter.org
End Violent Encounters (EVE): www.eveinc.org

credits

released December 18, 2016

The Radish Friends are:

Austin Gullett
Nikki Nicolaou
Ariel Rogers
Pierce Rogers
Angela Rogers
Erika Hodges
Jonathan Griffith
Nic Houle
Dylan Sowle
Russ Duce
Todd Bruhnsen
James Schramm
Mark Mills
Holly Garrison
Cole Tunningley
Alex Piccolo
Ethan Puschell
Dalton Pittman-Cahill
Rachel Fedorko
Ashleigh Tatroe
Moonbeam Frey
Narf Albin
Justine Valka
Lauren Montgomery
Ian Dixon
Jessi Shaffer
Bill Shaffer
Nicole Geller
Mariette Heubel
Rachel Sonnenberg
Jenna Pratt
Sean Morissette
Molly Gaudette
Zach Smith
Elizabeth Pitell
Jessica Harris
Heather Harris
The Harris Kids
Tuttie Gullett
Jake Gullett
Andrew Palacios
Emily Nenortas
Lexi Nenortas
The Michigan Rocky Horror Preservation Society

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

The Radish Friends Lansing, Michigan

A lofi supergroup based in Michigan. Bringing positive vibes and grassroots fundraising ventures to the world since 2016.

contact / help

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Track Name: Have Yourself a Merry Lil' Christmas
Written by Hugh Martin and Ralph Blane

Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Let your heart be light
From now on, our troubles will be out of sight
Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Make the Yuletide gay
From now on, our troubles will be miles away
Here we are as in olden days
Happy golden days of yore
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more
Through the years we all will be together
If the fates allow
So hang a shining star upon the highest bough
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now
Track Name: Lay Me in Your Cloven Hooves
Written by Jonathan Griffith

Bundle up, it's coming! Do you hear that jolly sound?
I'm not talking sleigh bells, so please put the cookies down
With rusty chains and birch branch in the snowy air, he's bound
To drag the folks who ruined this year so deep into the ground

And I, for one, look forward to this grim and grisly sight
So just lay me in your cloven hooves tonight

The naughty list was so long all the helper elves did scoff
And Ol' Saint Nick decided just to take this dumb year off
Krampus stepped up, steadfast certain how to spread some cheer
By doing what he does to all the folks who ruined this year

Maybe with them gone, the next year will be alright
So just lay me in your cloven hooves tonight

Let's all get along so next year is outta sight
And just lay me in your cloven hooves tonight
Track Name: Step Into Christmas
Written by Elton John and Bernie Taupin

Welcome to my Christmas song
I'd like to thank you for the year
So I'm sending you this Christmas card
To say it's nice to have you here
I'd like to sing about all the things
Your eyes and mind can see
So hop aboard the turntable
Oh step into Christmas with me

Step into Christmas
Let's join together
We can watch the snow fall forever and ever
Eat, drink and be merry
Come along with me
Step into Christmas
The admission's free

Take care in all you do next year
And keep smiling through the days
If we can help to entertain you
Oh we will find the ways
So merry Christmas one and all
There's no place I'd rather be
Than asking you if you'd oblige
Stepping into Christmas with me

Step into Christmas
Let's join together
We can watch the snow fall forever and ever
Eat, drink and be merry
Come along with me
Step into Christmas
The admission's free
Oh oh oh
La la la la

Welcome to my Christmas song
I'd like to thank you for the year
So I'm sending you this Christmas card
To say it's nice to have you here
I'd like to sing about all the things
Your eyes and mind can see
So hop aboard the turntable
Oh step into Christmas with me

Step into Christmas
Let's join together
We can watch the snow fall forever and ever
Eat, drink and be merry
Come along with me
Step into Christmas
The admission's free

Step into Christmas
Let's join together
We can watch the snow fall forever and ever
Eat, drink and be merry
Come along with me
Step into Christmas
The admission's free

Step into Christmas
Let's join together
We can watch the snow fall forever and ever
Eat, drink and be merry
Come along with me
Step into Christmas
The admission's free

Oh oh

Step
step into christmas
Oh for ever and ever
yeah come along with me
now
oh oh (repeat till fade)
Track Name: All I Want for Christmas Is You! ;^)
Written by Mariah Carey and Walter Afanasieff

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true oh
All I want for Christmas is you

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need, and I
Don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I don't need to hang my stocking
There upon the fireplace
Santa Claus won't make me happy
With a toy on Christmas day

I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you

I won't ask for much this Christmas
I won't even wish for snow, and I
I just wanna keep on waiting
Underneath the mistletoe

I won't make a list and send it
To the North Pole for Saint Nick
I won't even stay awake
To hear those magic reindeer click

'Cause I just want you here tonight
Holding on to me so tight
What more can I do
Oh, Baby all I want for Christmas is you

All the lights are shining
So brightly everywhere
And the sound of children's
Laughter fills the air

And everyone is singing
I hear those sleigh bells ringing
Santa won't you bring me
The one I really need
Won't you please bring my baby to me quickly

I don't want a lot for Christmas
This is all I'm asking for
I just wanna see my baby
Standing right outside my door

I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Baby all I want for Christmas is you

All I want for Christmas is you, baby
Track Name: It Came Upon a Midnight Clear
(Instrumental. Optional: look out the window on a snowy night and hum along.)
Track Name: Do They Know It's Christmas?
Written by Bob Geldof and Midge Ure

It's Christmastime; there's no need to be afraid
At Christmastime, we let in light and we banish shade
And in our world of plenty we can spread a smile of joy
Throw your arms around the world at Christmastime

But say a prayer to pray for the other ones
At Christmastime
It's hard, but when you're having fun
There's a world outside your window
And it's a world of dread and fear
Where the only water flowing is the bitter sting of tears

And the Christmas bells that ring there
Are the clanging chimes of doom
Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you
And there won't be snow in Africa this Christmastime

The greatest gift they'll get this year is life
Oh, where nothing ever grows, no rain or rivers flow
Do they know it's Christmastime at all?

Here's to you, raise a glass for ev'ryone
Here's to them, underneath that burning sun
Do they know it's Christmastime at all?

Feed the world
Feed the world

Feed the world
Let them know it's Christmastime again
Feed the world
Let them know it's Christmastime again
Track Name: Silent Night / Away in a Manger
As performed by Relient K

Silent night, Holy night
All is calm, all is bright
Round yon virgin Mother and Child
Holy infant so tender and mild

Sleep in Heavenly peace
Sleep in Heavenly peace

Silent night, Holy night
Shepheards quake at the sight
Glory streams from Heaven afar
Heavenly hosts they sing Halleujah

Christ the Savior is born
Christ the Savior is born

Away in a manger, no crib for a bed
The little Lord Jesus laid down his sweet head
The stars in the sky they looked down where he lay
The little Lord Jesus asleep on the hay
Track Name: Potatoes & Molasses
Written by Patrick McHale

Oh, potatoes and molasses
If you want some, oh, just ask us
They're warm and soft like puppies in socks
Filled with cream and candy rocks

Oh, potatoes and molasses
They're so much sweeter than algebra classes
If your stomach is grumblin' and your mouth starts a-mumblin'
There is only one thing to keep your brain from crumblin'

Oh, potatoes and molasses
If you can't see 'em, put on your glasses
They're shiny and large like a fisherman's barge
You know you've eat enough when you start seeing stars

Oh, potatoes and molasses
It's the only thing left on your task list
They're short and stout to make everyone shout
For, potatoes and molasses
For, potatoes and molasses
Track Name: Christmas at Ground Zero
Written by Weird Al Yankovic

It's Christmas at Ground Zero
There's music in the air
The sleigh bells are ringin' and the carolers are singin'
While the air raid sirens blare

It's Christmas at Ground Zero
The button has been pressed
The radio just let us know
That this is not a test

Everywhere the atom bombs are droppin'
It's the end of all humanity
No more time for last minute shoppin'
It's time to face your final destiny

Well, it's Christmas at Ground Zero
There's panic in the crowd
We can dodge debris while we trim the tree
Underneath a mushroom cloud

You might hear some reindeer on your rooftop
Or Jack Frost on your windowsill
But if someone's climbin' down your chimney
You better load your gun and shoot to kill

Oh, it's Christmas at Ground Zero
And if the radiation level's okay
I'll go out with you and see the all new
Mutations on New Year's Day

It's Christmas at Ground Zero
Just seconds left to go
I'll duck and cover with my yuletide lover
Underneath the mistletoe

It's Christmas at Ground Zero
Now the missiles are on their way
What a crazy fluke we're gonna get nuked
On this jolly holiday
What a crazy fluke we're gonna get nuked
On this jolly holiday
Track Name: The Bath & Body Works Winter Collection
Written by Austin Gullett

I spent like a hundred twenty dollars
At Bath and Body Works
But its worth it
To smell like pinecone
Its worth it
To like a Joannes fabric
Its worth it
To smell like my grandma

I spent like another eighty bucks
At Bath and Body Works
But its worth it
For these seasonal candles
Its worth it
Cause the big ones are like 10 dollars off
Its worth it
Cause I got these awesome coupons

I spent way way too much money
At Bath and Body Works
But its worth
Cause who needs presents
Its worth it
Cause I got like 14 three-wick candles
Its worth it
Cause

[Spoken w/ Repressed Anxiety:]
I can stare at the fire and maybe do that thing where you lick your finger and stick it in the wax and then you have like this nice little wax fingertip and then you rip it off and you are reminded of the inherent transience of all things and the darkness overwhelms you until you remember you got this Hot Apple Toddy scented candle and its Christmastime and you remember that you have a candle and it's worth it

It's worth it!
Track Name: Blue Christmas
Written by Billy Hayes and Jay W. Johnson

I'll have a blue Christmas without you
I'll be so blue just thinking about you
Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree
Won't be the same dear, if you're not here with me

And when those blue snowflakes start falling
That's when those blue memories start calling
You'll be doin' all right, with your Christmas of white
But I'll have a blue, blue blue blue Christmas

You'll be doin' all right, with your Christmas of white,
But I'll have a blue, blue Christmas
Track Name: Baby, It's Cold Outside
Written by Frank Loesser

I really can't stay (but baby, it's cold outside)
I've got to go away (but baby, it's cold outside)

This evening has been (been hoping that you'd drop in)
So very nice (I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice)

My mother will start to worry (beautiful what's your hurry?)
My father will be pacing the floor (listen to the fireplace roar)

So really I'd better scurry (beautiful please don't hurry)
But maybe just a half a drink more (put some records on while I pour)

The neighbors might think (baby, it's bad out there)
Say what's in this drink? (no cabs to be had out there)

I wish I knew how (your eyes are like starlight now)
To break this spell (i'll take your hat, your hair looks swell)

I ought to say, no, no, no sir (mind if I move in closer?)
At least I'm gonna say that I tried (what's the sense in hurtin' my pride?)

I really can't stay (oh baby don't hold out)
But baby, it's cold outside

I simply must go (but baby, it's cold outside)
The answer is no (but baby, it's cold outside)

Your welcome has been (how lucky that you dropped in)
So nice and warm (look out the window at this dawn)

My sister will be suspicious (gosh your lips look delicious)
My brother will be there at the door (waves upon the tropical shore)

My maiden aunts mind is vicious (gosh your lips are delicious)
But maybe just a cigarette more (never such a blizzard before)

I've gotta get home(but baby, you'd freeze out there)
Say lend me a coat(it's up to your knees out there)

You've really been grand (I thrill when you touch my hand)
But don't you see? (how can you do this thing to me?)

There's bound to be talk tomorrow (think of my lifelong sorrow)
At least there will be plenty implied (if you got pnuemonia and died)

I really can't stay (get over that old out)
Baby, it's cold
Baby, it's cold outside
Track Name: Please Come Home For Christmas
Bells will be ringing this sad sad New Years
Oh what a Christmas to have the blues
Written by Charles Brown and Gene Redd

My baby's gone I have no friends
To wish me greetings once again
Choirs will be singing Silent Night
Christmas carols by candlelight

Please come home for Christmas
Please come home for Christmas
If not for Christmas by New Years night

Friends and relations send salutations
Sure as the stars shine above
But this is Christmas yes Christmas my dear
The time of year to be with the ones you love

So won't you tell me you'll never more roam
Christmas and new Years will find you home
There'll be no more sorrow no grief and pain
And I'll be happy, happy once again
Track Name: The Spirits of Christmas (On, Bourbon!)
Last present's delivered
And the snow outside's gettin' thicker
So, let's open this bottle of liqueur
Hey, bourbon, take me home

On, Bourbon! On, Vodka! On, Scotch, and on, Gin!
Take me back, let the North Pole dancin' begin
It's my party, I'll be naughty, get more lit than a tree
Put the elf on a shelf and happy Christmas to me!

On, Bourbon! Oh, Bourbon!
(Repeat for however long you feel like and in whatever voices or with whatever inflection you so desire in the moment)
Oh, bourbon... take me home
Track Name: Give Me Love (Give Me Peace on Earth)
Written by George Harrison

Give me love
Give me love
Give me peace on earth
Give me light
Give me life
Keep me free from birth

Give me hope
Help me cope, with this heavy load
Trying to, touch and reach you with,
Heart and soul

Om, my lord

Please take hold of my hand, that
I might understand you

Won't you please
Oh won't you

Give me love
Give me love
Give me peace on earth
Give me light
Give me life
Keep me free from birth

Give me hope
Help me cope, with this heavy load
Trying to, touch and reach you with,
Heart and soul

Om, my lord

Please take hold of my hand, that
I might understand you
Track Name: The Moon Song
Written by Karen O and Spike Jonze

I'm lying on the moon
My dear, I'll be there soon
It's a quiet and starry place
Time's we're swallowed up
In space we're here a million miles away

There's things I wish I knew
There's no thing I'd keep from you
It's a dark and shiny place
But with you my dear
I'm safe and we're a million miles away
Track Name: Christmas Vacation
Written by Barry Mann and Cynthia Weil; Performed by Mavis Staples

It's that time, Christmas time is here
Everybody knows there's not a better time of year
Hear that sleigh, Santa's on his way
Hip, Hip Hooray, for Christmas Vacation

Gotta a ton of stuff to celebrate
(Jing-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling-ling)
Now it's getting closer I can't wait
(Jang-a-lang-a-lang-a-lang-lang)
Gonna make this holiday as perfect as can be
Just wait and see this Christmas Vacation

This old house, sure is looking good
Got ourselves the finest snowman in the neighborhood
Ain't it fun, always on the run
That's how its done on Christmas Vacation

Let's all deck the halls and light the lights
(Jing-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling-ling)
Get a toasty fire burning bright
(Jang-a-lang-a-lang-a-lang-lang)
Give St. Nick the warmest welcome that he's every had
We're so glad it Christmas Vacation

And when the nights are peaceful and serene
We can cuddle up and do our Christmas dreaming

(Jing-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling-ling)
(Jang-a-lang-a-lang-a-lang-lang)

Christmas Vacation
We're so glad it's Christmas Vacation
Peace and joy and love are everywhere
(Jing-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling-ling)
You can feel the magic in the air
(Jang-a-lang-a-lang-a-lang-lang)
Let the spirit of the season carry us away
Hip, Hip Hooray for Christmas Vacation

Fa-la-la-la-la and ho ho ho
Jingle, jangle, jingle as we go
Let the spirit of the season...
Track Name: Genesis 30:3
Originally performed by the Mountain Goats
Written by John Darnielle

For several days the visitors were here
We saw them turned down and we watched them disappear
Talked about the days they’d said were sure to come
Had a hard time believing

I remember seeing you my tongue struck dumb
When you first came here from wherever it was you came from
The power in your voice
Your rough touch
You keeping care of me
Keeping watch

Open up the doors to the tent
Wonder where the good times went
I will do what you ask me to do
Because of how I feel about you

I saw his little face contract as his eyes met light
Try to imagine anything so bright
You only see it once then it steals into the dawn
And then it’s gone forever

For several hours we lay there last ones of our kind
Harder days coming maybe
I don't mind
Sounds kind of dumb when I say it but it's true
I would do anything for you

Open up the promise of the day
Drive the dark things away
I will do what you ask me to do
Because of how I feel about you
Track Name: I'm Not Ready for Christmas
Written by Chris Farren

I'm not ready for Christmas, I'm not ready for the freezing cold,
I'm not ready for the questions they're going to ask me back home.
I'm not ready for the questions that my family's gonna ask of me.
"What happened to that pretty girl? She was so sweet."

Well don't you think I know that you were the perfect sound to comfort me? Now all I have are silent nights alone.

I'm not ready for Christmas, I'm not ready for the falling snow,
not ready to move on and find somebody new.
I'm not ready to explain why I'm returning this diamond ring,
it fit my finger perfectly, I know you measured it extensively.

Well don't you think I know that you were the perfect sound to comfort me? Now all I have are silent nights alone. Now all I have are silent nights alone.

Maybe in another life we'd be walking down that aisle, but under white string lights you'll go left and I'll go right, and wish each other another silent night.

Well don't you think I know that you were the perfect sound to comfort me?
Now all I have are silent nights alone.
Well don't you think I know that you were the perfect sound to comfort me?
Now all I have are silent nights alone.
Now all I have are silent nights alone.

I'm not ready for Christmas.
Track Name: Merry X-Mas, Diamond Joe
Merry Christmas, Diamond Joe
Where did you come from? Where did you go?
A VP like you was unheard of
I hope you get the New Year you deserve, oh

Merry Christmas, Diamond Joe
I don't know where you come from and I don't know where you'll go
But I know that I know that I hate to see you go
So, Merry Christmas, Diamond Joe
Merry Christmas Diamond Joe

Man, you were a big frickin' deal
You brought some flair to the presidential seal
But the dream is gone, so we gotta be real
Oh, it's Christmas Time, and I got Biden feels

Merry Christmas, Diamond Joe
Where did you come from? Where will you go?
A VP like you was unheard of
I hope you get the New Year you deserve, oh

Merry Christmas, Diamond Joe
I don't know where you come from and I don't know where you'll go
But I know that I know that I hate to see you go
So, Merry Christmas, Diamond Joe
Merry Christmas Diamond Joe

Merry Christmas, you sly dog
Merry Christmas, you sly dog
Indivisible under God
Oh, you sly dog
Track Name: Jingle Bell Rock [first take]
Written by Bobby Helms

Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock,
Jingle bells swing and jingle bells ring
Snowing and blowing in bushels of fun
Now the jingle hop has begun

Jingle bell,
jingle bell,
jingle bell rock,
Jingle bells chime in jingle bell time
Dancing and Prancing in Jingle Bell Square
In the frosty air

What a bright time
it's the right time
To rock the night away
Jingle bell time is a swell time
To go gliding in a one-horse sleigh
Giddy-up jingle horse
pick up your feet
Jingle around the clock
Mix and a-mingle in the jingling beat
That's the jingle bell rock
Track Name: Let It Snow [first take]
Written by Sammy Cahn and Jule Styne

Oh the weather outside is frightful
But the fire is so delightful
And since we've no place to go
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

It doesn't show signs of stopping
And I've brought some corn for popping
The lights are turned way down low
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

When we finally kiss goodnight
How I hate going out in the storm
But if you really hold me tight
All the way home I'll be warm

The fire is slowly dying
And my dear we're still goodbye-ing
As long as you love me so
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow
Track Name: Christmas Will Break Your Heart
Written by James Murphy

Christmas will break your heart
If your world is feeling small
There's no one on the phone
You feel close enough to call
Christmas will crush your soul
Like that laid back rock 'n' roll
But your body's getting old
It's much too tired to be so bold
Christmas can wreck your head
Like some listless awkward sex
So you refuse to leave your bed
Get depressed when no one checks
Christmas will break your heart
Like the armies of the unrelenting dark
Once the peace talks fall apart

But still I'm coming home to you

Christmas will shove you down
So just lay back in the snow
That quiet wind won't wake
What inside you has grown cold
Christmas will drown your love
Like a storm down from above
On your fading memories of a normal life

Oh while I thought to make you mine
Believing in the line
That your heart would melt with time
And though you're out with them again
Your thick and fickle friends
They might replace the love that ends

But still I'm coming home to you
To you
To you
To you
Yes you
To you
To you
To you

What if you're done?
What if you don't want it anymore?
So what if they're gone?
So what if they don't love you anymore?

[Existential Bemoaning of the Yuletide]
Track Name: Ukulele (Christmas) Anthem
Written by Amanda Palmer
Adapted Ever-So Slightly by Austin Gullett

Sid Vicious played a four-string Fender bass guitar and couldn't sing
And everybody hated him except the ones who loved him
A ukulele has four strings, but Sid did did not play ukulele
He did smack and probably killed his girlfriend Nancy Spungen

If only Sid had had a ukulele, maybe he would have been happy
Maybe he would not have suffered such a sad end
He maybe would have not done all that heroin instead
He maybe would've sat around just singing nice songs to his girlfriend

So play your favorite cover song, especially if the words are wrong
'Cause even if your grades are bad, it doesn't mean you're failing
Do your homework with a fork
And eat your fruit loops in the dark
And bring your etch-a-sketch to work
And play your ukulele

Ukulele small and fierceful
Ukulele brave and peaceful
You can play the ukulele too, it is painfully simple
Play your ukulele badly, play your ukulele loudly
Ukulele banish evil
Ukulele save the people
Ukulele gleaming golden from the top of every steeple

Lizzie borden took an axe, and gave her mother forty whacks
Then gave her father forty-one, and left a tragic puzzle
If only they had given her an instrument, those puritans
Had lost the plot completely
See what happens when you muzzle

A person's creativity
And do not let them sing and scream
And nowadays it's worse 'cause kids have automatic handguns
It takes about an hour to teach someone to play the ukulele
About the same to teach someone to build a standard pipe bomb
YOU DO THE MATH

So play your favorite cover song, especially if the words are wrong
'Cause even if your grades are bad, it doesn't mean you're failing
Do your homework with a fork
And eat your fruit loops in the dark
And bring your flask of jack to work
And play your ukulele

Ukulele, thing of wonder
Ukulele, wand of thunder
You can play the ukulele, too
In London and down under
Play joan jett, and play jacques brel
And eminem and neutral milk ho-
Tell the children
Crush the hatred
Play your ukulele naked
If anybody tries to steal your ukulele, let them take it

Imagine there's no music, imagine there are no songs
Imagine that John Lennon wasn't shot in front of his apartment
Now imagine if John Lennon had composed "imagine" for the ukulele
Maybe people would have truly got the message

You may think my approach is simple-minded and naïve
Like if you want to change the world then why not quit and feed the hungry
But people for millennia have needed music to survive
And that is why I promised John that I will not feel guilty

So play your favorite Beatles song
And make the subway fall in love
They're only $19.95, why not ask for one for Christmas?
Play until the sun comes up
And play until your fingers suffer
Play LCD soundsystem songs on your ukulele

Quit the bitching on your blog
And stop pretending art is hard
Just limit yourself to three chords
And do not practice daily
You'll minimize some stranger's sadness
With a piece of wood and plastic
Holy fuck, it's so fantastic, playing ukulele
Eat your homework with a fork
And do your fruit loops in the dark
Bring your etch-a-sketch to work

Your flask of Jack
Your vibrator
Your fear of heights
Your Nikon lens
Your mom and dad
Your disco stick
Your soundtrack to "karate kid"
Your ginsu knives
Your rosary
Your new Radish Friends CD
Your favorite room
Your bowie knife
Your stuffed giraffe
Your new glass eye
Your sousaphone
Your breakfast tea
Your Nick Drake tapes
Your giving tree
Your ice cream truck
Your missing wife
Your will to live
Your urge to cry
Remember that it's Christmastime!
So play, your ukulele
Track Name: I Saw Three (Pirate) Ships
I saw three ships come sailing in
On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day;
I saw three ships come sailing in
On Christmas Day in the morning.

And what was in those ships all three,
On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day?
And what was in those ships all three,
On Christmas Day in the morning?

Captain Whitebeard jumped on deck,
On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day;
Captain Whitebeard’s up on deck,
On Christmas Day in the morning.

Scallywags all round ye come,
On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day;
For Captain Whitebeard’s brought ye rum,
On Christmas Day in the morning?

From ‘neath the deck the caskets hoist
On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day;
And every sailor’s lips were moist
On Christmas Day in the morning.

-Instrumental-

A glass of grog for every man
On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day;
A bottle for the shanty man
On Christmas Day in the morning.

The port bells rang, and like a storm
On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day;
The sailors all like rats did swarm
On Christmas Day in the morning.

Let every man drink up his glass
On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day;
And have a dancey with a lass
On Christmas Day in the morning.

The town was drunk as drunk could be
On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day;
When he stole our gold and left for sea
On Christmas Day in the morning.

I saw three ships come sailing in
On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day;
¬I saw three ships come sailing in
On Christmas Day in the morning.
Track Name: All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth
All I want for Christmas
is my two front teeth,
my two front teeth,
see my two front teeth!

Gee, if I could only
have my two front teeth,
then I could wish you
"Merry Christmas."

It seems so long since I could say,
"Sister Susie sitting on a thistle!"
Gosh oh gee, how happy I'd be,
if I could only whistle (thhhh, thhhh)

All I want for Christmas
is my two front teeth,
my two front teeth,
see my two front teeth.

Gee, if I could only
have my two front teeth,
then I could wish you
"Merry Christmas!"
Track Name: Marshmallow World (Live)
It's a marshmallow world in the winter
When the snow comes to cover the ground
It's time for play, it's a whipped cream day
I wait for it the whole year 'round
Those are marshmallow clouds being friendly
In the arms of the evergreen trees
And the sun is red, like a pumpkin head
It's shining so your nose won't freeze
Oh, the world is your snowball, see how it grows
That's how it goes, whenever it snows
The world is your snowball just for a song
Get out and roll it along
Oh, it's a yum-yummy world made for sweethearts
Take a walk with your favorite girl
It's a sugar date, what if spring is late
In winter it's a marshmallow world
It's a marshmallow world in the winter
When the snow comes to cover the ground
It's time for play, it's a whipped cream day
I wait for it the whole year round
(Those are marshmallow clouds being friendly
In the arms of the evergreen trees)
And the sun is red, like a pumpkin head
It's shining so your nose won't freeze
Oh, the world is your snowball, see how it grows
That's how it goes, whenever it snows
The world is your snowball just for a song
Get out and roll it along
It's a yum-yummy world made for sweethearts
Take a walk with your favorite girl
It's a sugar date, what if spring is late
In winter it's a marshmallow world
Track Name: Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree
Written by Johnny Marks

Rockin' around the Christmas tree
At the Christmas party hop,
Mistletoe hung where you can see,
Every couple tries to stop,
Rockin' around the Christmas tree,
Let the Christmas spirit ring,
Later we'll have some pumpkin pie,
And we'll do some caroling.

You will get a sentimental feeling when you hear,
Voices singing, "Let's be jolly,
Deck the halls with boughs of holly",
Rockin' around the Christmas tree,
Have a happy holiday,
Everyone dancin' merrily,
In the new old-fashioned way.

You will get a sentimental feeling when you hear,
Voices singing, "Let's be jolly,
Deck the halls with boughs of holly",
Rockin' around the Christmas tree,
Have a happy holiday,
Everyone dancin' merrily,
In the new old-fashioned way
Track Name: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (Sing-a-Long!)
Written by Johnny Marks
Adapted by Nikki Nicolaou, Jake Gullett, Andrew Palacios, and Generations of Elementary School Students

You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen
Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen
But do you recall
The most famous reindeer of all?

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (Reindeer!)
Had a very shiny nose (Like a lightbulb!)
And if you ever saw it (Saw it!)
You would even say it glows (Like a flashlight!)

All of the other reindeer (Reindeer!)
Used to laugh and call him names (Like Pinocchio!)
They never let poor Rudolph (Rudolph!)
Join in any reindeer games (Like monopoly!)

Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say (In his underwear!)
"Rudolph, with your nose so bright
Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?" (Nah)

Then how the reindeer loved him (Loved him!)
As they shouted out with glee (Yippee!)
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (Reindeer!)
You'll go down in history (Like George Washington!)
You'll go down in history (Like Bill Clinton!)

Thanks Obama
Track Name: Santa Baby (w/ My Mom)
Written by Joan Javits and Philip Springer
Originally peformed by Eartha Kitt

Santa baby, slip a sable under the tree for me
Been an awful good girl
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa baby, an auto space convertible too, light blue
I'll wait up for you, dear
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Think of all the fun I've missed
Think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed
Next year I could be also good
If you'll check off my Christmas list

Santa honey, I want a yacht and really that's not a lot
Been an angel all year
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa cutie, there's one thing I really do need, the deed
To a platinum mine
Santa cutie, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa baby, and fill my stocking with a duplex and checks
Sign your 'x' on the line
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Come and trim my Christmas tree
With some decorations bought at Tiffany
I really do believe in you
Let's see if you believe in me

Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing, a ring
I don't mean on the phone
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry down the chimney tonight
Track Name: Every Snowflake's Different (Just Like You!)
Written by Gerard Way

Every snowflake's different just like you
(Every snowflake's different just like you)
I'll sing about it if you ask me to
(if you ask me to)

Different shapes and different sizes
Like every star up in the sky
Every snowflake's different just like you

Green fur, blue skin
And the very silly way you grin
Big fangs, small chin
There's so many special things about you
Things about you, things about you

Every snowflake's different just like
Every snowflake's different just like
Every snowflake's different just like you

Different shapes and different sizes
Like every star up in the sky
Every snowflake's different just like you
Track Name: Father Christmas (Test #1)
Oh, adjust it properly
This is a test
To the tune of
Father Christmas
Track Name: Father Christmas
When I was small I believed in Santa Claus
Though I knew it was my dad
And I would hang up my stocking at Christmas
Open my presents and I'd be glad

But the last time I played Father Christmas
I stood outside a department store
A gang of kids came over and mugged me
And knocked my reindeer to the floor

They said
Father Christmas, give us some money
Don't mess around with those silly toys
We'll beat you up if you don't hand it over
We want your bread so don't make us annoyed
Give all the toys to the little rich boys

Don't give my brother a Steve Austin outfit
Don't give my sister a cuddly toy
We don't want a jigsaw or monopoly money
We only want the real mccoy

Father Christmas, give us some money
We'll beat you up if you make us annoyed
Father Christmas, give us some money
Don't mess around with those silly toys

But give my daddy a job 'cause he needs one
He's got lots of mouths to feed
But if you've got one I'll have a machine gun
So I can scare all the kids on the street

Father Christmas, give us some money
We got no time for your silly toys
We'll beat you up if you don't hand it over
Give all the toys to the little rich boys

Have yourself a merry merry Christmas
Have yourself a good time
But remember the kids who got nothin'
While you're drinkin' down your wine

Father Christmas, give us some money
We got no time for your silly toys
Father Christmas, please hand it over
We'll beat you up so don't make us annoyed
Father Christmas, give us some money
We got no time for your silly toys
We'll beat you up if you don't hand it over
We want your bread so don't make us annoyed
Give all the toys to the little rich boys
Track Name: I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas
I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
Only a hippopotamus will do
Don't want a doll
No dinky tinker toy
I want a hippopotamus to play with and enjoy

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
I don't think Santa Claus will mind do you
He won't have to use
A dirty chimney flue
Just bring him through the front door
That's the easy thing to do

I can see me now on Christmas morning
Creeping down the stairs
Oh what joy and what surprise
When I open up my eyes
To see a hippo hero standing there

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
Only a hippopotamus will do
No crocodiles
No rhinoceroses
I only like hippopotamuses
And hippopotamuses like me too

(swing it)

Mom says a hippo would eat me up but then
Teacher says a hippo is a vegetarian

There's lots of room for him
In our two car garage
I'd feed him there
And wash him there
And give him his massage

I can see me now on Christmas morning
Creeping down the stairs
Oh what joy and what surprise
When I open up my eyes
To see a hippo hero standing there

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
Only a hippopotamus will do
No crocodiles
Or rhinoceroses-es
I only like hippopotamuses-es
And hippopotamuses like me too
Track Name: New York City
Written by Robin Iwatta, Lisa Marr, and Lisa Nielsen
Adapted for Christmas by James Schramm and Austin Gullett

You called me last night on the telephone
And I was glad to hear from you 'cause I was all alone
You said, "It's snowing, it's snowing! God, I hate this weather."
Now I walk through blizzards just to get us back together

We met in the springtime at a rock-and-roll show
It was on the Bowery when it was time to go
We kissed on the subway in the middle of the night
I held your hand, you held mine, it was the best night of my life.

'Cause everyone's your friend in New York City
And everything looks beautiful when you're young and pretty
The streets are paved with diamonds and there's just so much to see
But the best thing about New York City is you and me

Statue of Liberty, Staten Island Ferry, Co-op City, Katz's and Tiffany's*
Central Park, Brooklyn Bridge, The Empire State where Dylan lived**
Coney Island and Times Square, Rockefeller Center
Wish I was there

'Cause everyone's my friend in New York City
And everything looks beautiful when you're young and pretty
The streets are paved with diamonds and there's just so much to see
But the best thing about New York City is you and me
Track Name: The Friendly Beasts
Jesus our brother, strong and good
Was humbly born in a stable rude
And the friendly beasts around Him stood
Jesus our brother, strong and good.

"I," said the donkey, shaggy and brown,
"I carried His mother up hill and down;
I carried His mother to Bethlehem town."
"I," said the donkey, shaggy and brown.

"I," said the cow, all white and red
"I gave Him my manger for His bed;
I gave Him my hay to pillow His head."
"I," said the cow, all white and red.

"I," said the sheep with curly horn,
"I gave Him my wool for His blanket warm;
He wore my coat on Christmas morn."
"I," said the sheep with curly horn.

"I," said the dove from rafters high,
"I cooed Him to sleep that He would not cry;
We cooed Him to sleep, my mate and I."
"I," said the dove from rafters high.

Thus every beast by some good spell
In the stable dark was glad to tell
Of the gifts they gave Emmanuel,
Of the gift they gave Emmanuel.
Track Name: Fairytale of New York
It was Christmas Eve babe
In the drunk tank
An old man said to me, won't see another one
And then he sang a song
The Rare Old Mountain Dew
I turned my face away
And dreamed about you

Got on a lucky one
Came in eighteen to one
I've got a feeling
This year's for me and you
So happy Christmas
I love you baby
I can see a better time
When all our dreams come true

They've got cars big as bars
They've got rivers of gold
But the wind goes right through you
It's no place for the old
When you first took my hand
On a cold Christmas Eve
You promised me
Broadway was waiting for me

You were handsome
You were pretty
Queen of New York City
When the band finished playing
They howled out for more
Sinatra was swinging,
All the drunks they were singing
We kissed on a corner
Then danced through the night

The boys of the NYPD choir
Were singing "Galway Bay"
And the bells were ringing out
For Christmas day

You're a bum
You're a punk
You're an old slut on junk
Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed
You scumbag, you maggot
You cheap lousy JERK
Happy Christmas your arse
I pray God it's our last

The boys of the NYPD choir
Still singing "Galway Bay"
And the bells were ringing out
For Christmas day

I could have been someone
Well so could anyone
You took my dreams from me
When I first found you
I kept them with me babe
I put them with my own
Can't make it all alone
I've built my dreams around you

The boys of the NYPD choir
Still singing "Galway Bay"
And the bells are ringing out
For Christmas day
Track Name: Ce N'est Pas Un Elfe~!
I suppose that I'm an elf
But no one ever told me
I have no sense of self
No labels to embolden me

But what is Christmas?
And who am I?
What does it mean to be me at Christmas-Time?

Oh, I'm an elf
With no sense of self
All nouns are meaningless to me
I am in a snowy post-modern hell
Oh, I'm an elf
With no sense of self
All nouns are meaningless to me
I am in a snowy post-modern hell

So, Merry Christmas
If truly Christmas it be
Time is a flattened circle
But I still feel jolly

But what is Christmas?
And who am I?
What does it mean to be me at Christmas-Time?

Oh, I'm an elf
With no sense of self
All nouns are meaningless to me
I am in a snowy post-modern hell
Oh, I'm an elf
With no sense of self
All nouns are meaningless to me
I am in a snowy post-modern hell

[Whispered, w/ Resigned Awe:]
Oh, everyone knows that every Christmas
Is a copy of Christmases past
The only mystery here
Is just how long this can last
Oh, everyone knows
There's no unmediated self
And what is an elf
But a capitalistic shell?

Oh, I'm an elf
With no sense of self
All nouns are meaningless to me
I am in a snowy post-modern hell
Oh, I'm an elf
With no sense of self
All nouns are meaningless to me
I am in a snowy post-modern hell
Track Name: Dominick the Italian Christmas Donkey
Written by Ray Allen, Sam Saltzberg, Wandra Merrell

Hey! Chingedy ching,
(Hee-haw, hee-haw)
It's Dominick the donkey.
Chingedy ching,
(Hee-haw, hee-haw)
The Italian Christmas donkey.
(La la la-la la-la la la la la)
(La la la-la la-la la-ee-oh-da)

Santa's got a little friend,
His name is Dominick.
The cutest little donkey,
You never see him kick.
When Santa visits his paisans,
With Dominick he'll be.
Because the reindeer cannot,
Climb the hills of Italy.

Hey! Chingedy ching,
(Hee-haw, hee-haw)
It's Dominick the donkey.
Chingedy ching,
(Hee-haw, hee-haw)
The Italian Christmas donkey.
(La la la-la la-la la la la la)
(La la la-la la-la la-ee-oh-da)

Jingle bells around his feet,
And presents on the sled.
Hey! Look at the mayor's derby,
On top of Dominick's head.
A pair of shoes for Louie,
And a dress for Josephine.
The labels on the inside says,
They're made in Brooklyn.

Hey! Chingedy ching,
(Hee-haw, hee-haw)
It's Dominick the donkey.
Chingedy ching,
(Hee-haw, hee-haw)
The Italian Christmas donkey.
(La la la-la la-la la la la la)
(La la la-la la-la la-ee-oh-da)

Children sing, and clap their hands,
And Dominick starts to dance.
They talk Italian to him,
And he even understands.

Cumpare sing,
Cumpare su,
And dance 'sta tarantella.
When Santa Nicola comes to town,
And brings lu ciucciariello

Hey! Chingedy ching,
(Hee-haw, hee-haw)
It's Dominick the donkey.
Chingedy ching,
(Hee-haw, hee-haw)
The Italian Christmas donkey.
(La la la-la la-la la la la la)
(La la la-la la-la la-ee-oh-da)

(Hee-haw, hee-haw)
(Hee-haw, hee-haw)
(Hee-haw, hee-haw)
(Hee-haw, hee-haw)
(Hee-haw, hee-haw)
Track Name: Christmas Is Coming!
Christmas is coming
The goose is getting fat
So please to put a penny
In the old man's hat
If you haven't got a penny
A hey-penny will do
If you haven't got a hey-penny
Then God bless you
Track Name: I Like Life!
Written by Leslie Bricusse

[Ghost of Christmas Present:]
Ebenezer Scrooge
The sins of man are huge
A never-ending symphony
Of villainy and infamy
Duplicity, deceit, and subterfuge
And no one's worse than Ebenezer Scrooge
Though man's a handy candidate for Hell
I must admit life sometimes has it's brighter side as well

I like life
Life likes me
Life and I fairly fully agree
Life is fine
Life is good
'Specially mine, which is just as it should be
I like pouring the wine and why not?
Life's a pleasure that I deny not

I like life
Here and now
Life and I made a mutual vow
'Till I die
Life and I
We'll both try to be better somehow
And if life were a woman
She would be my wife

[Scrooge:]
Why?

[Ghost of Christmas Present:]
Why?
Because I like life!

[Scrooge:]
That's all very well for you
But I hate life

[Ghost of Christmas Present:]
Nonsense man!
Why?

[Scrooge:]
Because life hates me, that's why!

[Ghost of Christmas Present:]
Oh, Scrooge, you're an even bigger fool than I took you for!
You've had over sixty years on this planet
And during your long, miserable, miserly, selfish existence
You haven't even learned how to live
Now listen to me

I like life
Well, go on

[Scrooge:]
I like life

[Ghost of Christmas Present:]
That's better!
Life likes me

[Scrooge:]
Life likes me

[Ghost of Christmas Present:]
Good, good
I make life a perpetual spree

[Scrooge:]
A perpetual spree

[Ghost of Christmas Present:]
Eating food

[Scrooge:]
Drinking wine

[Ghost of Christmas Present:]
Thinking who'd like the privilege to dine me

[Scrooge:]
I like drinking the drink I'm drinking

[Ghost of Christmas Present:]
That's better, Scrooge!
And I like thinking the thoughts I'm thinking

I like songs
I like dance
I hear music and I'm in a trance

[Scrooge:]
Tra-la-la

[Ghost of Christmas Present:]
Oom-pah-pah

[Both:]
Chances are we shall get up and prance

[Ghost of Christmas Present:]
Where there's music and laughter
Happiness is rife

[Scrooge:]
Why?

[Ghost of Christmas Present:]
Why?
Because I like life!
Track Name: What Child Is This (Anyway??)? [Instrumental]
(Optional: *aggressive humming*)
Track Name: Hallelujah, Pt. I: Amen!
Written by Leonard Cohen
One Lyric Adapted by Nic Houle and Austin Gullett

Now I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to a CHRISTMAS chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

You say I took the name in vain
I don't even know the name
But if I did, well really, what's it to you?
There's a blaze of light
In every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though it all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah*

[*Repeat Until You Find Salvation]
Track Name: J/U/N/G/L/E/B/I/L/L/S
(?)
Track Name: Christmas Identity Theft
Nope: this is best listened to without lyrics for the time being.
Track Name: Dinu Lipatti's Bones
Written by John Darnielle.
Track Name: Santa's Comin' Tonight (Tonight!!)
(boisterously, joyously, and with moderate anxiety:)

SANTA'S COMIN' TONIGHT, TONIGHT
SANTA'S COMIN' TONIGHT
SANTA'S COMIN' TONIGHT, TONIGHT
SANTA'S COMIN' TONIGHT*

(*repeat until Christmas)
Track Name: It Is Jessica's Christmas Song
Christmas
Track Name: "This Song is Basically Just Like 'Last Christmas,'" said Jessica
You're just gonna have to listen to this one, buddy
Track Name: Silent Night (as Performed by The Jingle Cats [Who Are Two Adult Women])
Meow Meow Meow
Meow Meow Meow
Meow Meow Meow
Meow Meow Meow
Meow Meow Meow Meow
Meow Meow Meow Meow
Track Name: Jingle Bells, Batman Smells
Jingle bells
Batman smells
Robin laid an egg
The Batmobile
Lost a wheel
And Joker does ballet

Jingle bells
Batman smells
Robin laid an egg
The Batmobile
Lost a wheel
And Joker does ballet
Track Name: Mr. Frosty Man
It's time to tango with the frisky, frosty Frosty Man
He's got a temperature of negative degrees again
He likes ice cream and Yo La Tengo with the jammin' pants
You got to cool it with the hipster costly Frosty Man

He's chillin', illin', thrillin' with the Mr. Saucy Pants
He likes to keep it real, he likes to talk a little sense
He's got a friend called Coolio, Vanilla Ice, and Ice Cube
Banana split and frozen pie and Mr. Frosty Pants

Mr. Frosty Man
Frosty, Frosty, Frosty, Frosty
Frosty, Frosty, Frosty, Frosty
Frosty Man

Don't get his goat, he just might melt, and then he gets all mean
When summer comes, he sits beside the air conditioning
But, Mr. Frosty, don't be bossy, winter's coming soon
And when it snows again, Frosty...
Track Name: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (w/ The Kids)
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer**
Had a very shiny nose
And if you ever saw it
You would even saw it glows

All of the other reindeer
Used to laugh and call him names
They never let poor Rudolph
Join in any reindeer games

Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say,
"Rudolph, with your nose so bright
Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"

Then all the reindeer loved him
As they shouted out with glee
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
You'll go down in history

**Use whatever jokes or callback you deem fit
Track Name: Santa Claus is Coming to Town
You better watch out
You better not cry
Better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town

He's making a list
And checking it twice
Gonna find out Who's naughty and nice
Santa Claus is coming to town

He sees you when you're sleeping
He knows when you're awake
He knows if you've been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake!

O! You better watch out!
You better not cry
Better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town
Santa Claus is coming to town
Track Name: Snow Miser/Heat Miser
I'm Mister White Christmas
I'm Mister Snow
I'm Mister Icicle
I'm Mister Ten Below

Friends call me Snow Miser,
What ever I touch
Turns to snow in my clutch
I'm too much!

He's Mister White Christmas
He's Mister Snow
He's Mister Icicle
He's Mister Ten Below

Friends call me Snow Miser,
What ever I touch
Turns to snow in my clutch
He's too much!

I never want to know a day
That's over forty degrees
I'd rather have it thirty,
Twenty, then Five, then let it freeze!
(brrrrrrrrrrr!)

He's Mister White Christmas
He's Mister Snow
He's Mister Icicle
He's Mister Ten Below
Friends call me Snow Miser,
What ever I touch
Turns to snow in my clutch,
Too much.
Too Much!

I'm Mister Green Christmas
I'm Mister Sun
I'm Mister Heat Blister
I'm Mister Hundred and One

They call me Heat Miser,
What ever I touch
Starts to melt in my clutch
I'm too much!

He's Mister Green Christmas
He's Mister Sun
He's Mister Heat Blister
He's Mister Hundred and One

They call me Heat Miser,
What ever I touch
Starts to melt in my clutch
He's too much!
Thank you!

I never want to know a day
That's under sixty degrees
I'd rather have it eighty,
Ninety, one hundred degrees!

(spoken)
Oh, some like it hot, but I like it
REALLY hot! Hee hee!

He's Mister Green Christmas
He's Mister Sun
Sing it!
He's Mister Heat Blister
He's Mister Hundred and One
They call me Heat Miser,
What ever I touch
Starts to melt in my clutch
I'm too much!
Too Much!
Track Name: Winter Time Snowman Party
AINT GOT EM
Track Name: Two-Headed Boy
Written by Jeff Mangum

Two headed boy
All floating in glass
The sun it has passed
Now it's blacker than black
I can hear as you tap on your jar
I am listening to hear where you are
I am listening to hear where you are

Two headed boy
Put on sunday shoes
And dance round the room to accordion keys
With the needle that sings in your heart
Catching signals that sound in the dark
Catching signals that sound in the dark
We will take off our clothes
And they'll be placing fingers through the notches in your spine
And when all is breaking
Everything that you could keep inside
Now your eyes ain't moving
Now they just lay there in their climb

Two headed boy
With pulleys and weights
Creating a radio played just for two
In the parlor with a moon across her face
And through the music he sweetly displays
Silver speakers that sparkle all day
Made for his lover who's floating and choking with her hands across her face
And in the dark we will take off our clothes
And they'll be placing fingers through the notches in your spine

Two headed boy
There is no reason to grieve
The world that you need is wrapped in gold silver sleeves
Left beneath christmas trees in the snow
And I will take you and leave you alone
Watching spirals of white softly flow
Over your eyelids and all you did
Will wait until the point when you let go
Track Name: Why Aren't There Any Christmas Songs About Women's Rights?
Women's rights
Women's rights
Women all the way
Feminism
Feminism
Feminism, yay
Birth control
Birth control
Birth control today
Equal pay for equal work
And turn everyone gay

Burning all our bras
Leaking menstrual blood
In our Subaru
To Planned Parenthood (HAHAHA)
Gotta get my pap
And some birth control
Then I think I'll free my nips
Trump is an asshole

Women's rights
Women's rights
Women all the way
Feminism
Feminism
Feminism, yay
Birth control
Birth control
Birth control today
Equal pay for equal work
And turn everyone gay

Women's rights
Women's rights
Women all the way
Feminism
Feminism
Feminism, yay
Birth control
Birth control
Birth control today
Equal pay for equal work
And turn everyone gay
Equal pay for equal work
And turn everyone gay
Track Name: The Twelve Days of Christmas
On the twelfth day of Christmas
My true love game to me:
Twelve drummers drumming
Eleven pipers piping
Ten lords a-leaping
Nine ladies dancing
Eight maids a-milking
Seven swans a-swimming
Six geese a-laying
Five golden rings
Four calling birds
Three French hens
Two turtle doves
And a partridge in a pear tree
Track Name: Fairytale of New York
Written by Jem Finer and Shane MacGowan

It was Christmas Eve babe
In the drunk tank
An old man said to me, won't see another one
And then he sang a song
The Rare Old Mountain Dew
I turned my face away
And dreamed about you

Got on a lucky one
Came in eighteen to one
I've got a feeling
This year's for me and you
So happy Christmas
I love you baby
I can see a better time
When all our dreams come true

They've got cars big as bars
They've got rivers of gold
But the wind goes right through you
It's no place for the old
When you first took my hand
On a cold Christmas Eve
You promised me
Broadway was waiting for me

You were handsome
You were pretty
Queen of New York City
When the band finished playing
They howled out for more
Sinatra was swinging,
All the drunks they were singing
We kissed on a corner
Then danced through the night

The boys of the NYPD choir
Were singing "Galway Bay"
And the bells were ringing out
For Christmas day

You're a bum
You're a punk
You're an old slut on junk
Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed
You scumbag, you maggot
You cheap lousy faggot
Happy Christmas your arse
I pray God it's our last

The boys of the NYPD choir
Still singing "Galway Bay"
And the bells were ringing out
For Christmas day

I could have been someone
Well so could anyone
You took my dreams from me
When I first found you
I kept them with me babe
I put them with my own
Can't make it all alone
I've built my dreams around you

The boys of the NYPD choir
Still singing "Galway Bay"
And the bells are ringing out
For Christmas day
Track Name: It Must Be Believed to Be Seen
Won't you help me please
I'm afraid that I might fall
For my eyes and knees,have grown frail behind this wall
Let me come to you,though it appears I've lost my pep
But as this ancient relic read
In the tao of Ching it said
A journey of a thousand miles
Begins with just one step

Beyond this door's a factory
Begat from just a bean
Beyond this door
Surprises in store
But it must be believed to be seen

Beyond this door's invention
Where mind meets with machine
Beyond this gate
Astonishment waits
But it must be believed to be seen

No magic spells or potions
Forswear Legerdemain
My kingdom's created from notions
All swirling inside of my brain

Beyond this door's a banquet
Of Wonka made cuisine
A lucky few
Will get to pass through
But it must be believed to be seen

Beyond this door's music
Come dance betwixt and between
Beyond this waltz
Is a world without faults
But it must be believed to be seen

Beyond this door's a puzzle
You'll find out what i mean
Beyond this gate
Is the world i create
But it must be believed to be seen

Despite the man seen at these doors
My childhood home was bland like yours
But I knew how to look to find
A world that wasn't color-blind
Let's hope that you're a bit like me
As you walk through my factory
For in the end is quite a prize
If you can see with more than eyes

Golden Ticket Winners:
Gloop
Teavee
Beauregard
Salt
Bucket

Your life's about to change now
So don't get left behind
Do things appear quite strange now
Imagine the wonders you'll find

Beyond this door is chocolate
So tasty it's obscene
So follow me
For I guarantee
That this world I conceived
And all I achieved
It must be believed
To be seen

Do come In.
Track Name: White Christmas
Written by Irving Berlin

Ooh
Doop doop, doop doo doop
Ooh
Doop doop, doop doo doop

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas,
Just like the ones I used to know,
Where those treetops glisten, and children listen,
To hear sleigh bells in the snow, the snow

Then, I-I-I am dreaming of a white Christmas,
With every Christmas card I write,
May your days, may your days, may your days be merry and bright,
And may all your Christmases be white.

I-I-I am dreaming of a white Christmas,
Just like the ones I used to know,
Where the treetops glisten, and children listen,
To hear sleigh bells in the snow

I-I-I am dreaming of a white Christmas,
With every Christmas card I write,
May your days, may your days, may your days be merry and bright,
And may all your Christmases be white.

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells all the way.
Ooooh
Track Name: In My Mind/Auld Lang Syne
In my mind
In a future five years from now
I'm one hundred and twenty pounds
And I never get hung over
Because I will be the picture of discipline
Never minding what state I'm in
And I will be someone I admire
And it's funny how I imagined
That I would be that person now
But it does not seem to have happened
Maybe I've just forgotten how to see
That I am not exactly the person that I thought I'd be

And in my mind
In the faraway here and now
I've become in control somehow
And I never lose my wallet
Because I will be the picture of of discipline
Never fucking up anything
And I'll be a good defensive driver
And it's funny how I imagined
That I would be that person now
But it does not seem to have happened
Maybe I've just forgotten how to see
That I'll never be the person that I thought I'd be

And in my mind
When I'm old I am beautiful
Planting tulips and vegetables
Which I will mindfully watch over
Not like me now
I'm so busy with everything
That I don't look at anything
But I'm sure I'll look when I am older
And it's funny how I imagined
That I could be that person now
But that's not what I want
But that's what I wanted
And I'd be giving up somehow
How strange to see
That I don't wanna be the person that I want to be

And in my mind
I imagine so many things
Things that aren't really happening
And when they put me in the ground
I'll start pounding the lid
Saying I haven't finished yet
I still have a tattoo to get
That says I'm living in the moment
And it's funny how I imagined
That I could win this winless fight
But maybe it isn't all that funny
That I've been fighting all my life
But maybe I have to think it's funny
If I wanna live before I die
And maybe it's funniest of all
To think I'll die before I actually see
That I am exactly the person that I want to be

Fuck yes
I am exactly the person that I want to be
Track Name: We Wish You a Merry Christmas
We wish you a Merry Christmas
We wish you a Merry Christmas
We wish you a Merry Christmas
And a Happy New Year

Good tidings we bring
To you and your kin
Good tidings for Christmas
And a Happy New Year

So, bring us some figgie pudding
So, bring us some figgie pudding
So, bring us some figgie pudding
It'll bring us good cheer

We wish you a Merry Christmas
We wish you a Merry Christmas
We wish you a Merry Christmas
And a Happy New Year